Bring it on 2014!

Wow what a year this has been for me! Some of the highlights-I celebrated a year tumor free, I graduated from grad school and fulfilled my dream of becoming  a midwife, I got my first (dream) job. Life has been pretty awesome in 2013 and I hate to see it go. My big plans for tonight are to enjoy a nice glass or 2 of champagne to celebrate and rest up because the final countdown has begun. After what seems like forever, our clinic is finally opening next Tuesday. I have a host of emotions running rampant the two biggest of course being excitement and nervousness. There hasn't been much time to focus on those emotions though.
Our poor little clinic has had its fair share of ups and downs. I'm disappointed at some of the cattiness that has gone on from some of our competitors. I've chosen to take the high road but I must say its hard. We haven't opened our doors and yet it seems as though there are people out there looking to sabotage it. It's really sad because at the end of the day, our main focus should always be on the women we serve. Adding our practice is just another option for women of our community to get the type of care they want and deserve. That someone would undermine that with gossip and malice is doing those women a disservice.
Nevertheless, we are moving forward. We're opening our doors with scheduled patients and I can't wait to see our growth over this next year. I hope you all will continue to follow me on this journey and that you're just as excited as I am for whats to come over these next 12 months. See you in 2014!

The life and times of a frustrated (but optomistic) midwife...

I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving! I spent my first holiday without any family and we managed to survive. I cooked...no smoke alarms went off and my house is still standing...I call that a success!

Since my last post there have been a lot of ups and downs in regards to our new practice. Some days I've been frustrated beyond belief. We still haven't opened-our opening date has been pushed back a few times for various reasons. But in my quest to keep a resolution I made for 2013 I've stayed as positive as I possibly can. I know that we will be successful. We have all kinds of really great people backing us. And this is a great learning experience for this newbie. After everything I've been through over the past 5 years I'm just grateful to finally have the opportunity to do what I've dreamed about for so long. And it isn't all bad news. I finally have my license, after being held up by the government shutdown. I'm hoping to be fully credentialed and privileged next week (it comes with a shiny blue sticker that lets me park with the doctors). Both of these have been my biggest headache over the past couple of months so its nice to be stepping into the light at the end of this very long tunnel.

My poor little man is finally adjusting to the move. He had a tough transition after he started school. I found out that the kids at his school were calling him the "brown kid" and teasing him. These are 6 and 7 year old children mind you. I'm never surprised at the things adults say but I have to say I didn't know that children could be so close minded at such a young age. I've always taught my son to look beyond the outside and get to know people for who they are. It is the most helpless feeling to keep teaching love and acceptance when what I really wanted to do was give him a few lessons on how to smack down the little heathens giving him grief. Over the past few weeks I've watched his interactions with the kids now and its my hope that he is teaching them just through his actions about tolerance and acceptance.

Anyway that's my latest update. As we slide into the holidays I hope you all are spending it with the people you love and cherishing your time with family and friends.

Greetings from Idaho!

So...miracles big and small happen everyday. Things were able to be worked out and a new life has started for me and my son here in Idaho. We arrived last Friday after 3 long days in the car. I wish I could say that the trip was uneventful but as it turns out our last day came with a little drama. We were 90% through nowheresville Wyoming when all my warning lights cut on and my engine started straining. Of course there's hardly anything in Wyoming and as it turns out we had already passed the closest town with a car repair service station. So on a prayer I turned around drove back to find the service station. Here is where the lesson was learned-don't take people's words for anything. Be your own judge. It was fearful for me to be in a place that I knew nothing about (only others assumptions), 2000 + miles away from the place I knew as home, hoping that someone would be kind to me and help me out. I found just that, no prejudiced people, no one dressed in white sheets, just a kind man running his own shop with no employees who fixed my tire in 10 minutes and wished me well. I wish I knew his name, but I'm thinking of sending him a nice card or something because of how he treated me.
Anyhow, we made it safely and have begun settling in to our new home. I started as a CNM today and spent the day getting to know everyone and shadowing one of the L&D nurses. Everyone is so supportive and excited to have midwives, and frankly its really refreshing. I've never been in a place so open to new possibilities and so willing to change to meet the needs of the community. You can't help but get swept up in their excitement and passion. I'm so looking forward to meeting everyone and getting things going.

9/11

No profound words of wisdom to offer. Just prayers for our country and for all the families who are honoring their heroes today. We will never forget.

Love, light, and blessings to you all...

A little honesty from a stressed midwife

Remember that anvil I was waiting for? It found me. I can't ever remember a time when my plans ever go right so I'm hoping that if you're reading this you will do me a favor. Next time I have the bright idea to pick up and move across the country in 3 weeks (now down to 13 days) please knock me upside the head. To say that I am overwhelmed right now would be the understatement of the year. Everything seemed to be going well until yesterday. I woke up still in my happy place, and then little things started going wrong like the cost of licensing and having to pay for hospital privileges and the actual cost of driving across the country (ridiculous sums of money that I don't currently have). Add to that the fact that the house I thought I had fell through, my family still expects me to support them in addition to my life in Idaho, and I don't have a school for my son to enroll in later on this month. I feel like I'm loosing my mind and I'm begging for a miracle at this point because I just can't do it all.
These are the things you aren't prepared for when you graduate from school. I've heard similar stories from my midwife sisters, but even so I am not prepared for any of this. Mind you I'm still very happy about the position. I know this is what I'm meant to do, where I'm meant to be but the obstacles are killing my excitement.

Mama's got a new gig!

North Carolinian's rejoice! This feminist, semi-crunchy midwife has set her sights on a new part of the country. That's right I'm moving! In three weeks I'll be a Idahoan (wait is that right?) Yeah that sounded weird to me too. But contrary to how that sounds I am disgustingly excited. In fact, I keep waiting for an anvil to randomly drop on my head because I'm overjoyed. Yes I have a job. I have a job as a midwife. No matter how many times I say it I still don't believe it. And yet its happening. Starting October 1st I'm joining a brand new midwifery practice in Idaho. Now before you go knocking Idaho just google an image of Boise and tell me how you could even turn that view down. Its such a gorgeous area and the more I learn about it the more excited I become. People say you know when things are meant to be because it just happens and everything goes perfectly. To say that this job just happened is an understatement. I got a phone call out of the blue several weeks ago and then was flown out for interviews. I didn't meet anyone I didn't like, and each potential colleague seemed more like a friend. I know I keep repeating myself but I am so happy to have the opportunity to work with the entire team. So now the fun begins. I'm packing up my life here and getting ready to start an adventure...a new chapter. And yes, you are all invited along on the ride.

I am a midwife!

Today feels like the first day of the rest of my life. What began as just a dream 11 years ago became reality today. I am officially a certified nurse midwife. I have a host of emotions running through me right now, the biggest I think being disbelief. This has been the craziest few years and some of the most challenging I think I've ever been through, but I'm emerging a stronger, wiser, happier person for it. I know everything I've been through was for a reason, and it will ultimately make me a great midwife because it has already made me a better nurse.
So the question is now what?
I've debated shutting down this blog because it served its purpose. I'm no longer a student. But in reading some of the issues facing new midwives, I want to keep blogging about this new transition into practice. There is still so much to learn and lots of growing to do as a midwife and I'd like to share that with you. I know that this is only the beginning and there are still tough days ahead as I begin the responsibility of caring for women. Knowing that there are people behind me pulling for me helps keep me going.
So next up for me is finding a job, or as I fondly call this process, multiple pimp sessions. I've made it a point not to limit myself to just my home state because there aren't a lot of opportunities for new graduate midwives. Not going into specifics just yet, I've interviewed for a few positions and should be hearing back next week. I'm being flown out to interview for a new position this weekend and if it works out I will happily share that info. For now, I'm basking in the glow of being a midwife. And I intend to enjoy it!

MSN-and it feels oh so good!

Finally! That's the first thing that popped into my head when I hit that submit button and saw the words I've been waiting over 2 years to see-Passed. That's right ladies and gentlemen. I have a master's degree. I'm incredibly excited although nobody can tell besides me since I've shed several tears of joy since leaving the testing center. I know everyone has had ups and downs going through this process and I certainly have had mine. I just can't put into words what this means to me. Funny enough I didn't expect it to happen today. There was a little bit of drama with scheduling the exam last week and then taking it today. On today of all days, the testing sites' server crashed not once, but twice. There was talk of rescheduling and coming back this weekend but luckily their IT people were able to successfully reboot the system and I got to finish my exam.
So now, there's just one more hurdle to jump. I've decided that with all the drama I encountered just getting to this point, the certification exam should go smoothly-or at least that's what I'm hoping! The whole licensure/exam process is expensive and I don't intend on repeating it. As you can imagine, I'm emotionally/mentally exhausted after studying for the better part of the past 4 weeks. I'm looking forward to vegging out this weekend and then I will start preparing for certification. But for now, I'm going to celebrate and let this all sink in!

Happy 4th from mamamidwife!

Happy fourth to all of my wonderfully, supportive readers! I hope you are all enjoying the day with family and friends. I apologize for the lack of updates but there is nothing super exciting to report...yet! I did finish clinicals a few days after my last post. I hit the road for a week long vacation to the Caribbean that was past due. I figured it was the least I could do for my tired, overworked brain. As it turns out it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I'm feeling refreshed and ready to take boards head on. This month for me is all about finishing this journey. It's been 2 years of hard work and determination and now I'm ready to be "with woman". No news yet on the job front but I know that the right position is out there for me and it will come in its time. In the meantime, keep me in your thoughts and prayers, send lots of good vibes out to the universe-I need all the love and positivity I can get. And if you have enough love in your heart keep my fellow sisters in your thoughts as well-this is not an easy transition to make and we are all feeling the pressure of being close to reaching our dream.

Ready...set...

My student life will be over soon. In just a few short days, I will have completed all my requirements and will be sitting for my comprehensive exam. If I'm being honest, I'm scared shitless. I keep psyching myself up to get back to my 8 hours a day studying but I can't seem to find my mojo. I only have 4 more births left to go and 6 menopausal visits to complete. My last day is supposed to be June 12th but my intent is to finish by the middle of next week so that I can get prepared for this exam. I feel like a broken record but I really can't believe its almost over. I mean, how do you go from just a dream to being weeks away from realizing that dream? It's crazy!

In the meantime, I'm starting to get job envy. Many of my classmates know where they will be once they pass boards but so far I have no idea. I will say that I've some interaction with several places but nothing official yet. I'm hoping that the right job comes along sooner rather than later. The planner in me needs to know what's next!

Anyhow, I hope you guys will keep me in your thoughts. I feel like a bad friend because I can't seem to find enough hours in the day to return phone calls and facebook messages but I hope those of you still hanging around understand that for the next month studying will be my life. These exams are way to expensive to fail so I need to do well. Hopefully I will be sharing lots of good news with you soon!

Pimping myself...

So today was a pretty productive day as days go. I went to my first affiliate meeting of ACNM (American College of Nurse Midwives for all you non-midwives). I tend to be open and opinionated when the situation warrants, but I hate putting myself out there. And yet today was a day where I needed to overcome my fears and hesitations and pimp myself to some of the midwives in the area. I had the opportunity to put my name and face out there, and talk to women of various practices who may have some potential opportunities available over the next few months. I feel like I'm at such a disadvantage because I don't know a lot of the newer faces out there, and today was a great opportunity to overcome this. So stay tuned!
Information wise, today was also a good day to get info on the legislation that is making its way through our state government. We are hoping to become independent practitioners here in NC, being free from supervisory relationships with physicians. I've come in on the tail end of this but have been able to send emails and bug some of the house members representing my district on this matter. It's great to see that we're being heard and taken seriously. Hopefully, we will have some good news soon on this matter as well so keep fingers crossed and throw some positive vibes out for us.
As for me I'm close to finishing clinicals in the next couple of weeks, and I'm slowly starting to make some good progress studying for comps and boards. I think I mentioned that this past week I was going to spend with my main preceptor and this was my make or break week. Well I'm happy to share that things went really well! My preceptor was impressed with my progress and feels that completing the rest of my births will help cement everything I've learned. I try to keep things professional but I must say it was hard not to jump up and down and scream for joy. I'm proud of myself for turning such a discouraging event into a positive learning experience. Can't wait to share my gifts with the world!

Closing in on the end of the journey...

No matter how many times I say the words "I'm almost done" it still doesn't feel real. I apologize for the lack of updates but I've been super busy with clinicals. In my last post I alluded to running into some trouble with a preceptor. That experience caused me a great deal of stress and embarrassment. I looked like a complete idiot in front of the nurses and to be quite honest, I was ready to throw in the towel. My biggest challenge has been that I don't have previous L&D experience. No matter what I've done birth related, I know now that some prior experience might be important if you want to breeze through clinicals. I thought I would get in and out in 16 weeks but as it turned out, there was a lot of information that I didn't know. So here I am, nearly 18 weeks into clinical. I really had to buckle down and throw my plan out the window and create a new one. After that incident, I've been making more of an effort to review the material I knew and learn the material I didn't.
So far its paying off. I've been deemed safe enough to care for patients in an office setting and my last day was last Monday. And starting tomorrow I'm putting my full focus into L&D. I'll also be with my main preceptor this week so I really want to prove to her over the next few days that I can practice on my own. With only a few more babies to go and a little over 100 hours, I really need to prove myself so I can be done with this stage. With that said, any and all good wishes/vibes are appreciated.

Not my finest hour...

What a night! I'm so close to the finish line its crazy. It literally feels like its hurtling at me full speed and I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I am my own worse critic and I set the bar very high for myself and when I don't achieve my own goals its hard for me to feel confident in my abilities. I won't go into specifics because now that I've had a few hours of sleep my answers to some of the questions I was being asked by my preceptor are quite embarrassing. I'm like a broken record when I say this but I really do have some amazing preceptors who are working with me and encouraging me without tearing me down. If you know anything about nursing you know that's a big deal! Anyway, despite my gaffes and complete lack of L&D experience, I pushed through and hung around to catch my 6th baby. This weekend's plan is to spend a lot of time studying intrapartum care which will be beneficial in the long run because I wanted to study for comps this weekend also. I refuse to look like an idiot again. 6 babies down, 34 more to go.

The joys of student midwiferyhood

So yeah its a been a month...but its been pretty awesome. I've been getting some great feedback from the midwives, and the staff and I are getting along so I would say so far clinicals are a success. Does that mean I haven't had days where I feel like I don't have a clue what I'm doing? Absolutely not! In fact, I don't remember having so many days where I felt like a true fish out of water in nursing school. It's a very humbling experience, but then this whole process has been humbling.
So where am I now? Finishing up the second part of clinical and getting ready to start 3/4 next week. I've got a bunch of assignments (also called busy work) to get done over the next couple of weeks. I have to say that I have the best preceptors a girl could ask for. They've been helping me choose case study patients to help with the assignments. They're also really great teachers. No disrespect to my previous faculty but I have learned so much-more in fact over the past 2 months than I have in the past year. Which is really helping me study for the final comprehensive exam that I'll take sometime this spring.
And oh yeah....the best part...I caught my first baby! I actually helped with 2 and then caught the 3rd one later that same day. I was proud of myself because I thought I would get all emotional but I'm thinking that the adrenaline and the cramping in my legs from positioning myself all awkward and funky kept the emotions at bay. Looking forward to spending more time on L&D next weekend. I don't take call but I plan on spending a few extra hours with my patients now that I'm starting to get to know a lot of them in the office. So that's it...upward and onward! :)