16 months into this program and it all boils down to this.....What in the hell was I thinking getting into this? Dreams are dreams for a reason-seriously why am I doing this to myself? That is the question that has been circling in my brain for the last 2 weeks. What sane person puts themselves into this position? I'm exhausted, bitchy, cranky, depressed and miserable all because of this term. I've heard about midwife burn out but I haven't even left school yet!
So you can pretty much guess that this is my worst term ever. Nothing makes sense. Making us read about one thing and then in the next breath read about the same topic with contradicting information is not helping! Everyone keeps saying take a breath you will get it but frankly I'm starting not to believe that. I've gotten to the point that I could take my massive amounts of debt and walk away and not look back. And that scares me because this really did make sense 2 years ago. I had a plan dangit! I haven't strayed from that plan but I'm dangerously close to it. I keep trying desperately to remember all my reasons for wanting to be a midwife. The main reason has always been to have a better life for me and my son but really-will he love me any less if I'm not a midwife? Wouldn't he rather have a mom who doesn't snap at him 50 times a day because she's functioning on 2 and 3 hours of sleep a night? I could be suzy homemaker and go back to work as a nurse-its a very respectable job that makes me happy. So why am I doing this to myself? I wish I had time to fully think of a response but I don't have any answers and my daily me time that I give myself is up. Will this ever get any better?
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