Sometimes being a midwife sucks. Horribly. Total disclosure-I've not been this discouraged in quite some time. My strength is also my weakness; I bond with these women and their families and I take on their disappointments as my own. Now the rational side of me already knows that pregnancy almost never goes exactly the way we want it to. But I can't help but feel like I have a black cloud hanging over me that is preventing these women from having the experiences they dream about. It's making me doubt myself, my choices. I hate feeling this way and I'm not quite sure how to change it.
The one thing I am certain of is that I need something good and positive to happen. I need to see and feel the light and the love of a mom holding her baby for the first time, completely content and overjoyed that she made the right choice when she chose a midwife. I need something good to shake whatever this is hanging over me because right now I don't feel like much of a midwife. And frankly, it sucks.
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